Getting a bit personal. sorry, not sorry. I am not the kind of mom that has an "all natural, no medications, water-birth bound" approach to pregnancy, labor and delivery. In fact, I strongly support every mama and all the decisions that one might make for herself, her little and her family. To each their own. Being a mama is hard, and I don't judge any of you for the decisions you make and the routes you take in this adventure. Breast feed? Cool! Pump? Awesome! Formula? Super. Water Birth? How neat! No Meds? More power to you! I, myself, wanted to labor, wanted an epidural if and when appropriate and I wanted to experience a vaginal birth. I wanted to go into labor naturally. I wanted to feel what woman have felt since the beginning of time. That birth plan wasn't anything crazy. Just another labor and delivery. You know that they say... "Man plans and God laughs." This couldn't be anymore true for my birthing story.
What the hell was a contraction? Firstly, I am a first time mama. All of these feelings and emotions and processes are new to me. I literally had (and have) no idea what a contraction feels like. All I knew is that "I would know when I was having them." When I went to the doctor on Tuesday for my 39 week check-up, my OB informed me that I wasn't dilated and still barely effaced. He said that I will most likely go past my due-date and that I would probably have to be medially induced. That wasn't ideal for me, but I was fine with it because I had posted an eviction notice on my uterus about two weeks prior. I was done being pregnant. The rest of the day was normal, I was a bit irritated I wasn't dilated, but oh well. Off to sleep. Uh, no. At about 11:00pm I got the worst heartburn. Ya'll, I had been straddling with terrible heartburn my entire third trimester. But this.... WAS TERRIBLE. I took some Mylanta (couldn't take Tums because I had been suffering from Kidney Stones... which by the way is excruciating). I fell asleep for about an hour and woke up with the most painful tightening pains in my lower back. I couldn't breathe. I thought, "this is it! Contractions!" I started to time this pain because thats what your supposed to do when you are having contractions. That is when i realized that this pain couldn't be times, because It didn't stop. It was consistent and it was getting worse. Now, I was feeling it in my abdomen and specifically in my right rib cage right under my tata. Now, I couldn't walk, breathe or talk. I stayed this way for about an hour and then decided to wake up my husband and call the doctor. At 1:00am we went to Labor & Delivery to be monitored.
What the hell is going on in there? The nurse checked my cervix... still no dilation. She then but the monitor on my stomach to track babies heartbeat and my contractions. She couldn't find the heartbeat. She had me flip over every which way and put the monitor all over my stomach as a cried and winced in pain, but also from fear. My husband didn't really realize what was going on, but I knew. I could feel my little girl's movements, but they were infrequent and weak. I knew something was wrong, but didn't say a word to anyone. The next thing I know, the nurse said I was about to feel drunk. Thanks pain meds, and I fell asleep for about 4 hours. While I was asleep, they took some images of my gallbladder and discovered my gallstones and sludge. This was the pain I was experiencing. at about 5am my OB came in and woke me and my husband up. He told us that when I first got to L&D the nurse struggled to find my girls heartbeat because her heart rate had dropped significantly for about 2 minutes. This means that when I was in pain, my baby girl was in danger. He said that laboring on top of my stones would put me at high risk for a still-birth and that a c-section was necessary for my safety and more importantly the safety of my little girl. What a change in less than 24 hours form my doctors appointment. I agreed, then I cried. A LOT.
When i didn't care. At 4:20pm on May 9th, my little girl arrived via c-section as healthy as can be. Weighing 8lb 2oz and measuring 20.5 inches. I realized at that moment, that I did get to experience what mother's have been experiencing since the beginning of time. I prayed with my eyes closed until the second I heard my baby girl cry for the first time. Then I touched her, saw her, and the nurse laid her on my chest. At that second it didn't matter how my girl was brought into this world, it mattered that she was here and alive and healthy. I didn't feel the pains of labor and a vaginal delivery, but I had my own pains. The pain of fear, the pain of kidney stones, the pain of gallbladder stones, the pain of coping, the pain of my incision, the pain of not latching, the pains that come with a c-section. I'm okay with my c-section. I have my baby girl. My healthy, beautiful amazing baby girl.